Sorry, Ladies, Marriage Is Not A Financial Plan

The confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett last night had me in tears. It’s so rare to see other women who believe what I do and have professional ambition. In fact, I’ve read countless “articles” from “men” who have made actual claims that the reason many of us are still (legally) single is that we have pursued careers and few things infuriate me more. These articles are often written, of course, by guys who make crappy salaries and just want to take their anger out on others. But I digress….

Have I been accused of being a femi-nazi by my fellow conservatives? Absolutely. Do I consider myself a feminist? Yes, until I spend time with actual feminists.

If the title of this post “triggered” you, I’m not sorry. This topic is not talked about enough and I’m here to shed light on it. But before I do, allow me to give you some background.

My parents have two kids, my sister and me, and it was never a question that my sister and I would get good educations. They invested in Catholic grade school and high school and paid for our bachelors and graduate degrees. I know this puts me in a place that many people do not find themselves, but because they invested so much in me, I know I needed to build a successful career for myself. When I attended a very conservative college after growing up in a rather “secular” society, I was shocked to learn that many of the girls there had no plan to have a career, yet were completely funding their educations on student loans. I found it not only painfully naive, but also egregiously irresponsible of them and the school for cultivating that kind of environment.

Fast forward to now. I’m in my thirties and, while all-round genuinely happy, am not married. Yes, I’m in a relationship that’s moving in that direction, but I will definitely file my 2020 taxes as a single lady. It wasn’t until I hit the age of 27 (yes, I considered that old at the time, teehee) that I really started to realize that I needed to start taking my finances seriously. Today’s post is all about finances for the single girls. It’s harsh and raw, but I know you can handle it.

There is a real possibility that you won’t get married.

Is the mean of me to say? Perhaps, but it’s a real possibility! It sucks to think about, but I’ve seen it happen one too many times. Many men and women intentionally wait to get married until their 30s or 40s, but for some, it just never happens. While odds are high that you will get married, we all need to be living our financial lives as if it will never happen. Take a good, hard look at your finances. At your current salary/retirement contributions, when will you be able to retire comfortably? Ever? Maybe it’s time to make some changes…

If you do get married, odds are pretty high that your husband is going to have some kind of debt.

While there are many positives to marriage, the whole “what’s mine is yours” isn’t always a good thing. If you have debt, guess what? When you sign that marriage license, your husband gets your debt and visa versa. Let’s be really pessimistic here and say that you both have $100K+ in student loan debt. Still think it’s feasible to be a SAHM and not grind away? Which brings me to my next point…

Think you’ll be able to have babies and stay home? Think again.

My mom was a SAHM but that’s unfortunately a rarity anymore. I think a desire to stay home and raise your kids is a beautiful desire, but I also want you to be realistic. Of all of my friends who have kids, I literally think two are able to stay home. In both situations, they didn’t have student loan debt and their husbands make gobs of money, which is also rare. If you have your eyes set on a youth pastor or a high school teacher, sorry, punkin, you’re not going to be a SAHM. Ever. Might as well invest in that career and make the time you have to spend at work worth it.

Perhaps this post is a *little* harsh but I really want to encourage you to think about where you are professionally and if it will work for you in the long run if, Heaven forbid, you wind up single your whole life… Or, more likely, marry a guy who is perhaps not in the best financial situation.

What changes can you make this week? You got this, lady!