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HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
Friends. We all need them. We love them. Sometimes they drive us crazy. But, for better or worse, they are an essential part of our lives, not only when we’re young, but even more so as adults. In the last post in this series, I spoke of ways to find friends. I know I’m biased, but I believe the #1 way to find friends is through faith-based organizations. In these friendships, there is something deeper and more meaningful behind the friendships.
I mentioned Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging
Today’s post is all about keeping friends Sounds super simple, right? Not always.. With people’s busy schedules, friendships in adulthood are oh-so different and must be cultivated.
Prioritize one group and say yes to everything. I’m not saying that you need to drive yourself crazy to attend every little social gathering, but prioritize ONE social group and be there as much as you can. I find people getting so lonely when they try to do to many things with too many people. If Group A and Group B are doing things on the same night, prioritize one group and stick to it. Try to go as often as you possibly can.
Don’t always count on others to plan things. Invite people over. Coordinate a bowling league (those are still fun, I promise!). Organize a hiking trip. Host a recipe exchange (some of my favorite memories–more on this later). Start a book club… The possibilities are endless! The short answer is, though, that you cannot only count on other people to make your social life for you. Make it happen.
Maintain communication. Text here and there. Make new friends know that you’re interested in being a part of their lives.
Have one-on-one time. While the big group things are fun and important, one-on-one time is where the real friendships blossom. Invite a friend out for coffee, to take a walk or have her over for brunch. Intimate conversations happen organically. They can’t be forced. But, they are certainly more likely in a smaller situation than a large one.
Ask questions. Getting to know someone isn’t easy, but it’s a lot easier when you’re the one to break the ice. People generally like to talk about themselves, so give them a chance! Ask about where they grew up, what they like to do for fun, how many siblings they have, etc. In other words, don’t be so damn self-absorbed. Allow the attention to be on someone else for a little while.
Remember it’s not all about you. All relationships are a two-way street, so it’s going to take a little effort to maintain. This kind of goes along with an earlier point, but know that you need to put in the effort too.. You can’t always count on others.
Be willing to be uncomfortable. Ah, something us millennials are soooo not accustomed to. In order for things to get deeper, we need to be able to disagree on things and still love the people we disagree with. There are several people in my life that I completely disagree with on fundamental issues. I value their friendships deeply, and yes, sometimes we do talk about the things we disagree on.
Be spontaneous. Are you shopping in a friend’s neighborhood? Shoot her a text and ask her to come along.
Don’t take things too personally. Do people act crappy sometimes? Of course. But, we’re all human, and people make mistakes. Some times a simple, “I was so bummed you canceled on me last minute” will do. If it’s an isolated incident, accept the fact that it was out of character and let it go. It’s not worth getting worked up over or losing a pal over.
Never underestimate the words, “I’m sorry.” We mess up.. Sometimes we need to apologize. Little tiffs aren’t worth ending good friendships over, so, if you’re like many millennials, apologizing is difficult for you. Learn it. Practice it.
Friendships are the best, but they must be cultivated.. They’re sometimes painful. Sometimes uncomfortable.. But they’re oh-so worth it.